Subscribe to the blog RSS feed
The Inland Castaways (continued)
Snail Mail
Here and there amongst the smoking ruins of that great and degenerate civilisation of Mu a few survivors eke out a desperate kind of survival. Things are looking bad for the humans, until one fateful day, a race of star-travellers arrive for a look-see. As the snail-like entities ooze from the bowels of their softly wobbling ship and raise their twitching palps in hungry anticipation a lone human snuck in the back way and stole their greatest treasure from right under their noses (for of course snails are deaf as posts). The Pasilalinic-sympathetic Compass, as it came to be known, was a kind of telephone whereby the natural telepathic communication of mating land molluscs is harnessed by means of a ring of interconnected snails glued within a box containing a copper sulphate solution. Pressing upon the snails evokes a reaction, through a process of sympathetic communication or ‘animal magnetism’, from their partner snail be it anywhere in The Known Universe. This technological breakthrough led the human race to rise once more to greatness.
Snail Sex
The analogy of an invisible trail of metaphorical snail slime was so powerful that it led the race to adopt many of the habits of the diminutive land mollusc, including developing similarly bizarre mating rituals wherein the human phallus came to be ‘fired’ or ejected from the groin towards a receptive female, who is then ‘reeled in’. This meant that the penis had become a ‘chitinous’ outgrowth, which began to develop its own consciousness often at odds with its ‘host’. After a rash of fatalities people took to wearing suits of armour in their daily lives in order to repel the constant bombardment of calcareous darts. This uneasy symbiosis was only brought to an end when the vagina in its turn took to wandering in search of fulfilment.
[work in progress]
